[ salam aidilfitri untuk semua Camelians ]

"salam aidilfitri & maaf zahir batin.."

dari Kutie & family di Kg. Sijangkang..

dara2 pingitan lagiks...

buat masa ni, gambar ni jer yg penting. lain2 nanti eh. hahah

3 dara pingitan

Gambar akan di upload lagi.
Tukang aplod gmbr agak bz.


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Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

My obsession..

Celik2 mata sejak lahir dh nenom "TT". I love my daddy! He inspired me since I was a little kid, until now!!


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Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

How To Feel More Confident Around Him

Do you constantly feel like you're trying too hard to get his love and affection?

Does it seem to you that you love him MORE than he loves you, and it makes you feel clingy and desperate?

If so, then I'd like to "coach" and boost your self-esteem and confidence with my Heart Connection Toolkit, so that you'll feel stronger and become much more relaxed around him. He won't be able to resist you.

Do you sometimes have trouble trusting your own feelings?

Like when you first meet a man and start going out with him, and you feel very drawn to him, but you're not sure if you can believe that he's really right for you...

Or if your feelings are leading you down to heartbreak again.

It's hard for you to know if he's good for you, or just another wrong, toxic or inappropriate man that'll end up hurting you.

Or maybe you're already in a serious relationship, and you have trouble trusting your feelings when it comes to the man you're with now.

Maybe he's done or said things that make you feel unsure of where your relationship is headed, or make you doubt that you'll be happy together in the future.

But the trouble is that you don't know how to BE STRONG and set appropriate boundaries, so that the relationship doesn't make you feel better about yourself. You feel pulled down and crushed over and over again because he makes you feel CLINGY and dependent on his love and affection.

I know how painful it feels to think you're the one who loves more, cares more, wants more.

I used to feel like I was always trying too hard with my husband, and the harder I worked the further and further he went...shutting down and pulling away from me.

Sadly, the less you trust your feelings and the more you AVOID feeling "clingy," the MORE you actually push a man away.

That's because you become LESS vulnerable and feminine when you're feeling desperate and frustrated.

And what makes a man want to love and care for you, and devote himself to you and your happiness is sensing a certain vulnerability about you, a certain feminine strength that comes from knowing WHAT it is you're feeling and HOW to communicate that to him.

This is why the more we feel hurt by a man, the less attractive we become to him because we put up walls, defenses, barriers.

We forget how to set healthy boundaries.

We mistake masculine energy for "strength."

In fact, we have so much more strength and allure in our genuine feminine power.

But I understand how difficult it is to "let go" and become vulnerable when you've been hurt so much before.

If you would like help dismantling your defenses so that you can connect with a man in an AUTHENTIC and vulnerable way again, then I'm here for you.

In my Heart Connection Toolkit, I'll give you the Tools you need to feel 100% more empowered, more relaxed and more POSTIVE about yourself, so that you can begin to naturally DRAW your man closer to you.

I want to help you become your own best friend, and to help you become a radiant, confident, and empowered woman.

My Heart Connection Toolkit is an audio recording of me giving you simple, exact instructions and advice on letting go of the things that DON'T WORK, and making room for the things that do.

I'll be coaching you step-by-step with exercises, and practical solutions to real-world situations to help you feel better INSTANTLY and to re-shape the way you feel about yourself and your love life.

When you listen to the Toolkit, you'll get your confidence and self-esteem back, so you can walk with your head held high and feel GOOD about your relationship again.

You deserve to have the kind of love you've wanted all along. I can help you get that with the Tools that will help you UNDO what doesn't work and support you while you bring more of what DOES work in.

It's all right here:

http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/Toolkit

My "Heart Connection Toolkit" is a set of Tools you won't find anywhere else that will instantly help you get grounded, feel better and look truly confident at the exact moment you need it.

You'll stop feeling hopeless and desperate to get his love and attention.

You'll feel more grounded and relaxed, especially around HIM.

You'll be able to tap into the power of your feminine energy easily and quickly, and therefore GET HIS ATTENTION like never before.

He'll not only sit up and take notice, but he'll be compelled by you. The energy you'll project will be irresistible to him.

Don't wait another day to feel better and get your relationship back on track.

P.S. One of the things that my Heart Connection Toolkit does is to elevate your "vibe" - the energy and vitality other people sense about you when they're near you. It's also the way you feel about YOURSELF inside your relationship.

You'll go from feeling drained and unsure, to feeling relaxed and empowered.

He'll notice a change in you right away, and what's more, YOU will feel so much better.

No more guessing how to "act" around a man or what to do and say to get his attention.

You'll learn what to do and say to get your love life back on track, no matter how low you feel right now, and how difficult your situation feels.

Mommy Tina, Aunty Radhi and Achik Kutie..

Sebbaik waiter tu pandai snap gambar.. Hihi..


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Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Pau antu makcik karipap...

Hahahaha... Montok jer pau ni.... Hahaha....
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

dah 3 tahun berlalu ek.............

perasan aku banyak kali outing pakai baju merah "nadubeach" ni or "nude"beach haha..
dah tiga tahun ek. patut la aku tgk dah lusuh baju merah ni.. tapi aku suke pakai..
mana2 ku pegi mesti bawak tshirt ni dlm beg.. hehe..

seems red is really synonym with me yaa aunty.. plus the white shirt yeahh..

 

10 Ways to Get Your Marriage Back on Track

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes happily ever after. End of story, right? Not quite… While it's true that couples relax a bit after they think they've nabbed the matrimonial Holy Grail, the reality is that they may also find themselves dumbfounded if their fairytale starts slipping away. "Many people think that marriage is about marrying the right person, so when things go wrong, they automatically go to the 'Crap, I accidentally married the wrong person' place," says Alisa Bowman, author of Project: Happily Ever After. "Although you do want to marry someone you are basically compatible with, marriage has a lot less to do with marrying the right person than it has to do with doing the right things with the person you married." In other words, relationships are a constant work in progress. To keep the happy connection that made you say "I do" in the first place—or maybe even create a newer-and-improved version—try out these 10 tips to rehab your romance.

1. Nurture yourself.

Marriage is about giving, but don't make the mistake of giving too much. "To have a good marriage, you need to be a good you," says Bowman. "Learn how to prioritize and put boundaries around activities that keep you healthy and whole—activities like rest, relaxation, fitness and time with friends." In other words, remember that scheduling "me" time into your day is not selfish, it's a necessity. It will strengthen your relationship because you'll have a saner version of "you" to bring to the "us" equation.

2. Define your problems.

Spend some time looking at your relationship and figure out which parts work and which parts don't. Bowman suggests that you take a moment to imagine a perfect day in your perfect relationship. What would this look like? How would you and your partner interact? Then create a plan of how you might get from point A (your current reality) to point B (that perfect day). Write it down if you need to, then start breaking the issues into bite-size pieces and tackling them one at a time. Before you know it, there will only be a few bite-size problems left.

3. Make a financial plan together.

Money is one of the biggest stressors in a marriage. Couples worry and argue about it constantly. If you find you and your spouse are starting to badger each other over the bottom line, it's time to have a penny-pinching powwow. "We are all guilty of something economists call 'passive decision-making,' which just means defaulting to the easy option," says Jenny Anderson, coauthor of Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes. "Couples need to make an active plan about how they will manage their money: Combine it? Separate it? Create a joint account and keep some separate? Whatever the decision, both people have to be part of the decision to do it and then figure out what needs to be done to keep the system humming."

4. Use the three-sentence rule.

When you need to ask your partner for something that could be misconstrued as nagging, keep the request at three sentences—max. "The art of being assertive without coming off as aggressive lies in being succinct and using a warm tone of voice and body language," says Bowman. "When you keep your requests to three sentences or fewer, it's almost impossible to blame, use sarcasm or use put-downs." It's also a lot more likely that you'll get your point across without losing your spouse's attention. Make your request with a smile. Be sincere and encouraging. You might even rest your hand on his thigh as you say, "Honey, the house is a mess and I am exhausted. Could you help me clean this place up? I could really use your help."

5. Take your fighting gloves off.

Don't duke it out. Instead, consider taking a time-out. "There's a concept called 'loss aversion' in economics, which simply means we really hate to lose. And when we think we are losing, we fight like there is no tomorrow to try to win," says Anderson. "It happens when couples talk about hot-button issues like sex, housework, money or the kids. If either person thinks he or she is losing, he or she will ratchet up the stakes and escalate the issue." The next time you see a spousal spat going to a not-so-happy place, take a break and revisit the subject when neither one of you feels overwhelmed by the topic.

6. Just do it.

Yes, by "do it" we mean have sex. Intimacy is an important part of a vital relationship, and one of the first areas to suffer if feelings are floundering. But sexual encounters can also be one of the quickest ways to reconnect and rekindle with your partner. "Of the many forms of couple intimacy—a smile across a room, a kiss, a touch—sex has the potential to be the most powerful positive physical experience most of us enjoy," says Joel D. Block, PhD, coauthor of Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Save Your Relationship…Without Leaving Your Bedroom. "This is especially true if sex results in emotional fulfillment, better communication, security and reassurance."

7. Burn your grudges.

It's time to set some bad memories on fire. Literally. Sometimes hanging on to those "Do you remember the time you did such and such?" moments are the things that lead to relationship sabotage. Instead of carrying grudges around forever, torch them. "Write them all down on a piece of paper. Then set a timer for a certain amount of time. It might be 10 minutes. It might be 30. It might be the whole day. The point is: Give yourself as long as you need to really wallow in the misery of these grudges. Savor them. Get angry about them. Mutter about them. Do whatever you need to do to get sick and tired of them," says Bowman. "Once you are done, say, 'I will not think about these anymore. These grudges have lost their usefulness.'" Then take a match and burn them.

8. Don't be overly confident.

Overconfidence can lead to complacency, which is not good for any relationship. According to Anderson, in a survey published in August 1993 in the journal Law and Human Behavior, couples who had recently applied for a marriage license were asked to estimate the average rate of divorce. Almost uniformly, they accurately predicted about 50 percent. Then they were asked to estimate the chances that they would get divorced. They answered zero percent. The problem with this statistic is that, if there is no perceived risk of failure, no "work" is put into maintaining the relationship—until it's suddenly faltering. Don't let yourself gloss over the little things. Don't forget to make an effort to keep your romance alive. Don't find yourself in a situation where you realize that you could have done more…when it's already too late.

9. Write your spouse's eulogy.

This one isn't as macabre as it sounds. It's more of an exercise in appreciation. Bowman suggests that you work on it a little at a time as a way to notice what your spouse does right (since these are the things you'd likely eulogize him with, not the negatives). "Think back over the years you've known this man. When did he make you laugh? When did he make you cry tears of joy? When did he surprise you? When did he feed the cat because the smell of cat food makes you want to hurl? Put it in the eulogy," says Bowman. "The funeral fantasy will help you remember to appreciate your spouse."

10. Remind yourself you have a choice to stay married.

Many people stay in troubled marriages because they believe they have no other choice. "They think that they are stuck, and they blame this sensation of being stuck on their spouse. But if you are stuck, it's your fault and not your spouse's," says Bowman. That fact is, "you are not stuck; you have choices. Three of them: Do nothing and remain miserable; face your fears and try to save your marriage; ask for a divorce." Choose to either be married or not. Make a choice. And wake up every morning and make that choice again. The surest path to happiness is knowing that you are not a helpless damsel in distress, but rather a woman who can make her own decisions. You have the choice to live happily ever after.

If You're Chasing Him And Don't Know It

just another words to share... if not applicable then don't use it..hehe.. sekian..

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Are you chasing after a man and don't even know it?

I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man drift away. Every single one of us women instinctively want to go run after a man, grab him and thrown him to the ground, rather than let him get away.

We

know we're not supposed to be chasing after him, and yet it's so hard not to. In this new, modern era, we're all confused. We all get the lines between friendship and romance blurred.We think being "friendly" is the same as showing interest in a man.We're taught to think that reaching out to a man is necessary.

We are taught to think that if we act "casual" a man won't notice that we're actually chasing him.But, the truth is, we are. If we're feeling just "friendly," if we really don't feel attracted to, or interested, in a man, then WHATEVER WE DO, our "vibe" will be just "friendly."

But, if we actually ARE attracted to a man, if we ARE interested in him in a romantic way, and then we try to ACT "friendly" - it's going to come off as fake.

It's going to come across to him as inauthentic. It's going to come across to him like chasing.And,it's going to make him feel all kinds of things -- but none of those things will be what you want him to feel -- attraction for you.

Here are some things we may think of as "friendly," that are actually CHASING a man:

1. Calling him up.

This includes calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to or - anything at all.

This includes calling him to ask him why he hasn't called you.

This includes calling him to tell him you're upset that you haven't heard from him.

This includes calling him to give him directions to your home or answering any question he hasn't specifically asked, or giving him any information he hasn't specifically asked for, or offering anything.

This does NOT include: You're having a problem or an emergency, and you can't reach a friend or a relative, and you've been dating him long enough that he's started "future-talking" about things he'd like to do with you and places he'd like to go with you, and you need his help.

Don't be afraid of appearing weak. If you need something -- something of course that has nothing to do with the relationship -- don't be afraid to ask. This is what being a girl is all about.

2. E-mailing him, texting him, facebooking him, writing him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, dropping by his gym, calling up his friend, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.

3. Making suggestions, making plans and then inviting him to come and join you, offering to drive to him, offering to drive on the date, offering to put him up for the night on your couch, or in your bed...

...Offering to cook for him, initiating sex, initiating affection (in any way other than smiling with an open heart and body), initiating the "talk" about "where the relationship is going," getting anything having to do with the relationship "started"...

...Creating a "special occasion," sending him anything (pictures, mementos, ideas), thinking out loud to him about things you can do together, telling him about things you can do together, and creating things to do together...

...Or, in any way, acting like the social director of the relationship.

4. Asking him how he "feels."

This includes, especially, asking him how he feels about "you," or the "relationship."

These are things we do almost without even thinking about it. These are things that feel natural to us.

It feels almost weird and unnatural to not do these things. It feels like we're not being "nice."

It feels like we're not being "friendly."

It feels like we're going to lose him by not letting him know we're "interested" in him.

It feels like we're just letting him slip through our fingers.

AND, NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

Everything on this list is the same as putting a sign on your chest that says "Needy." It smacks of desperation. And, it's just plain not attractive to him.

He may LIKE it. He may go along with it. He may be flattered. He may have no one else around and so he'll date you. He may even come to like you very much. You may even end up in a relationship with him.

But, you will never know how he really feels about you.

As long as YOU'RE the one running the show, he may follow, but he'll never feel inspired.

And, you will never feel adored.

This is the point where you will find yourself up late at night crying and wondering why he doesn't want to commit to you.

The total, complete opposite of this is being a Modern Siren.

A Siren will lure a man to her without doing any of those things that so many of us think are so necessary to do.

A Siren inspires a man to chase her because of how SHE feels about herself.

A Siren not only knows how to magnetically attract a man to chase HER, but can LET a man chase her.

A Siren knows how to receive what a man wants to give her -- which is everything.

A Siren expresses herself in words and with her body language so that a man can FEEL her down to his toes.

Being in the presence of a woman who can feel her feelings -- no matter what they are -- makes a man feel both real and safe -- all at the same time.

It feels utterly magical to him.

Being a Siren is about luring a man. About allowing him to chase her without being "passive" or "powerless."

If you'd like to know exactly what to DO and SAY in order to embody those Siren qualities I just mentioned, try my Modern Siren program.

You'll learn exactly how to BE around a man so that he feels utterly mesmerized and attracted, without you having to do any chasing, pursuing, calling, cajoling or enticing.

It's a very authentic and feminine way of being, and it is exactly what attracts a man and tugs at his heart.

Read a bit more about it here and order your copy to try RISK-FREE for a month:

http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/ModernSiren/?e=1&s=30805&cid=VBZZZ3&lid=2&sbid=Cqtl

If you're doing any of those things on the "Chasing List" in this eletter - know that these things are FILLED with a sense of "neediness" that just knocks all the attraction out of a man.

Doing these things - even though they seem friendly and nice and "modern" - are anything BUT - they are things that always have, and will always NOT, work to attract a man.

In fact, the truth is that even THINKING these things - and somehow holding on to believing that these things are good things to do - will not only not work for you - thinking these things will work AGAINST you

So, if you can't do those things -- what do you do?I really want you to know that there's another way to express yourself - a way that will bring a man close instead of pushing him away. And, they're completely different things than we women are used to doing. It's a way of BEING with a man that makes him just want to be with you forever.

It's a way of being a "Modern Siren."

So - what does that mean - Modern Siren - and how does it work to be a Modern Siren?

A Siren is a woman who loves herself so much that she can turn even the parts of herself she may think are ugly and unpleasant and difficult and painful -- into her most powerful assets.

A Siren knows that what a man craves is EMOTION.

Emotion that he can't find in himself. Emotion that will make him feel like a whole man.

A man is used to what he thinks of as "drama" in a woman -- and Emotion is something completely different than drama.

Emotion is the missing piece for a man.

AND BEING A SIREN WILL MAKE YOU THE MAGICAL CREATURE WHO CAN MAKE A MAN WHOLE.

Take a look right here at my Modern Siren program, and try it out for 30 days completely RISK-FREE:

TIPS : How To Use Your ANGER To Get CLOSER To Him...

if you're finding yourself feeling angry with your man - perhaps he's inconsiderate and you're so tired of his behavior but you don't know what to do about it anymore, I know how you feel.

It's like he's from a different universe - his point of view is so far "off the mark" it's frustrating to even TALK about it with him.

But there are ways to express all that anger - no matter how powerful it seems to be - that will get past his defensiveness so he can truly "hear" you without it all turning into another argument or you stuffing it all down and feeling awful.

If you'd like some help for turning your powerful anger into a powerful Tool for CONNECTING with your "challenging" man instead of pushing him away, try out my new program "Reconnect your Relationship."

You can work with it risk-free for 30 days, so you can listen to all of it and work with it and get some fast, amazing results before you even have to decide to keep it. Try it out here:

http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/Reconnect

I know it will help you find your anger and USE it to actually DEEPEN your relationship.

Dear Achique,

Have you ever become ANGRY with a man who's not "hearing you?"

And then, instead of really hearing your anger, or what you're trying to tell him about what made you angry in the first place, he PULLS AWAY FROM YOU more instead of even listening?

If so, you're not alone.

So many of us women experience this same thing with a man, and then we start to believe that we can't ever share our feelings with ANY man or express how we feel.

So we stop opening up.

And this is only the beginning of more problems and less CONNECTION with a man.

Get ready...because I'm about to show you how to avoid this negative pattern in relationships - how to share MORE with a man, and have him pull away LESS.

Let's start with a common situation.

Let's say you feel frustrated by something a man has done. Or something he's just not doing. And not doing over and over again.

It could be because he didn't call when he said he would. Or he let a week go by without calling at all.

Or because he isn't as affectionate and attentive as he used to be.

Does it feel almost as though he just doesn't "get" or appreciate anything you do?

If that happens in your relationships, as it once did in mine, you end up feeling both bad and frustrated - maybe even angry.

And if you try to deal with that by working really hard to be "understanding," and trying to "see things from his perspective" - and that makes you feel even worse - well, that's how most of us want to deal with men when we're frustrated and angry.

We don't want to show how we really feel.

We want to be cool, happy and positive all the time.

And ignore our anger and frustration.

Until we can't ignore it anymore.

Most of us women are so great at stuffing down our anger and pretending it doesn't exist.

We try to be "reasonable" and "rational" and try to understand the way men think, and we really want so much to accept their reasons for behaving the way they do.

But that still doesn't stop us from feeling angry and frustrated.

Trying to stuff down those powerful feelings is like trying to stop our life force!

It just makes us feel worse.

And it either makes us sick or tired or depressed, or - one day we explode all over him.

Do you ever feel as though it's impossible to get heard by a man?

That even if we really tell him what's wrong, he won't get it?

That he'll say something like "get over it," or at least think that?

And then that makes you feel even more angry and frustrated, and then you try to be more understanding....?

Have you ever been in a relationship that goes on like that for months, or even years?

I certainly was. Many times.

And my marriage was like that for the whole first few years.

I thought that if I got angry, I'd drive him away.

But I was pushing him away anyway.

He could SENSE my anger, but he was looking at the SMILE on my face!

I wasn't a good enough actress to hide what was going on underneath my smile.

He could FEEL my anger anyway.

And all my pretending just made me seem, well, untrustworthy. Not authentic. (That's sort of what men mean when they say they don't understand women - it's as though we say one thing, but they "get," on a deeper level, something else. Something they can't quite understand or put their finger on, but it makes them uncomfortable)

So, what's the answer here?

If pretending we aren't angry and frustrated doesn't work, and exploding and explaining to them and telling them what they're doing wrong doesn't work, then what do we do with those awful angry feelings?

Working on ourselves to understand what it is that makes us angry is a great first step.

Just even noticing when we're feeling angry and frustrated can help us understand the kinds of things that trigger those feelings in us.

And if we're always feeling hurt and angry and frustrated, if we're always being triggered in the same way, by the same man or the same kinds of men, then we can get a really good picture of how we can help ourselves.

Even though we're all different, we're also, all of us women, so much alike.

Our bodies, our hearts, yearn to bond with a man.

And we so hate that helpless feeling of yearning that often we create just the opposite of what we want!

Have you ever stayed in a bad relationship hoping it would work out, or that he'd change?

Do you wonder why you put up with behavior from a man that you just know you shouldn't accept, but still, always seem to find a good reason to accept anyway?

Again, you're not alone.

And you can stop that old pattern. It takes some new words and a little bit of bravery at first. But you can do it. I did, and it made (and still makes) a huge difference in my marriage.

It's another "Third Way" to be in a relationship.

Instead of pretending to not be angry or upset, or trying to talk or reason yourself out of feeling that way - basically stuffing it down, and instead of telling a man what's wrong, complaining or exploding - you can share exactly how you feel in words he can actually hear!

And most of the time, you can stop the whole "hurt to anger to stuffing or exploding" cycle before it even starts!

The first time a man forgets to call when he's said he would, and apologizes, you can say, "Thank you for the apology. I was feeling very uncomfortable about it."

And if he doesn't apologize, or even mention it, you say "I'm feeling awkward bringing this up, but I'm feeling really uncomfortable." He will ask what's up. And then you say "I expected your call, and it felt bad when it didn't happen." He'll make an excuse, or apologize, and you say, "Thank you."

Once you try this, you'll see how it works. You'll see that it brings men in closer because it forces them to look at you differently.

Instead of seeing you as a woman they can treat any way they want to, they'll see you as a woman who treats herself so well that they'd better treat you well, too!

And you'll be amazed at how less angry you feel after you've shared your feelings!

If you have my Reconnect Your Relationship program, listen again to the part about the Anger to Guilt to Depression Cycle, and how you can STOP going into depression, and STOP your man from drifting away by becoming friends with your Anger.

Do the "Walk Yourself Through The Tunnel" process in "Reconnect" and see how quickly you can feel both more in control of yourself and much freer with your man.

The "Cycle" is a powerful way to look at your feelings - even the yucky ones, in a completely different way. A way that works FOR you and your relationship, instead of against you and your relationship. If you don't have it, you'll want to find out more about it, click here:

http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/Reconnect

If you can share your feelings, even the frustrating ones, right at the beginning of a relationship, from the first meeting, you'll attract men who instinctively want to treat you well.

If you do this at any time during a rough and painful relationship, you'll begin to set the relationship right.

Acknowledging, embracing and sharing our angry feelings make us feel better about ourselves.

And amazingly, men pick up on that.

A man "gets," right away, when you're able to acknowledge and express your feelings.

He gets that you won't tolerate bad behavior - and that's a turn on for a man!

***Here's an email from "Belinda" that we can work through in a way that can help ALL of us express ourselves in a way that gets us CLOSER to our men:

"Dear Rori, My anger has always been a problem. I feel anger towards men, period. (It seems to also be inherited from my mother and grandmother.) I don't want to hate men, but I have this anger. I'm afraid I'll become so angry I'll scare them away.

I'm concerned about the silences in phone conversations with my boyfriend "Bill." Last night he was uncomfortable on the phone, I got the impression he thought something was wrong, and then he just got off - like there was nothing more to say. There was an uncomfortable pause, and then he got off the phone.

I'm not sure what to say or how to say it. When I have something to say, do I just say it? Or just not? I can't say how I feel. Not being able to makes me feel so powerless, and yesterday and today, I've been really depressed. I hope that that goes away, because I'm feeling really bad. I'm just not feeling a sense of control.

I wanted to say this morning to him, 'I'm sad' - but then I just said, 'I'm not feeling very well' and there was silence, and then he said he was having lunch with our mutual friend about business - and then he had to get back to work...uggh. Telephone conversations are really awkward with all the silence...he doesn't fill them, and gets off the phone. I used to fill them - it's soooo uncomfortable for me not to. What else do I do? Giggle, smile on the phone - express my feeling during the silence? Help, please, Belinda"

***The first thing I'd like to do is to reassure you and Belinda that no relationship is going to bust up over a few bad phone conversations. This is stuff we girls make up about men for lots of reasons we can talk about in another eletter. Right now I want Belinda to feel VERY proud of herself!

She's beginning to tune in to what's really going on, and instead of doing all the work and filling in all the pauses in conversations like she used to, she's just listening, and BEING there.

Not filling in the silences is just a first step in the Reconnection Process, and it's one you have to take.

If you're experiencing the same challenge as Belinda, know that it may seem hard on the phone at the beginning, but it's because you're just not used to it yet - a bit of practice and you'll find it EASY, I promise.

Your next step is filling in those pauses with real and true "Feeling Messages."

Try this: "I'm feeling uncomfortable with the silence," or "I'm feeling anxious in all this silence."

See how that's talking, not accusing?

You can smile, have a sense of humor, you can even be light about it - but you're still saying the TRUTH!

You're uncomfortable, and you're saying it.

Trying to fill in the silence is one of the things we do that looks to a man like one of the WORST things we can do - and that thing is to be PHONEY.

Because chatting on when we truly feel uncomfortable comes across to a man as phoney.

Before we can get chatty and flirty in a comfortable way, a way that feels true and real to US, we have to breakthrough that moment of paralysis when we think something's wrong, or we're wondering what's going on with him.

It's like those "nervous" laughs.

Some of us get so good at those things - covering up the embarrassing moments with a laugh or funny remark - that we think we're getting away with it.

But actually, we're creating DISTANCE between us and a man by not being AUTHENTIC.

Men are actually quite sensitive, and they notice things.

He may not be able to put his finger on it, but when a man hears a nervous laugh, or conversation coming from tension and unease, it feels yucky to him.

It feels like you're "sucking up" to him.

I know it's shocking to put just trying to keep a conversation going in the same category as "sucking up," but that's how it comes across.

It comes across as low self-esteem.

And sometimes a man's uncomfortableness can come from his sensing OUR discomfort.

So, the quickest way to stop putting out uncomfortable vibes is to GET comfortable.

And the quickest way to get comfortable is to get in touch with your feelings, whatever they are, and express them, using the words you've learned in these eLetters, eBook and programs.

There are even wonderful words for Anger.

Like "I feel angry." Or, "I feel so mad."

We don't even have to EXPLAIN the "Why" of it to him until he asks.

And if he asks, that's showing some interest, and so even THAT SMALL THING is a great little step forward!

And NO GAMES have been played, no fear of saying the TRUTH has taken control of you, and I guarantee you'll feel fabulous after you try this out. (Baby steps, now - remember to try this talking about the weather and unemotional things, first, like "I feel so embarrassed, but I actually feel enraged at this rain!")

I could do a hundred programs having to do ONLY with feelings and how to Find, USE and Express them with men. (And I just might!)

For now, use the Tools you've learned so far and Find Your feelings, Follow them around your body, choose some words to express them, and then say what's true.

That will help Belinda (and you, too, if you're experiencing this same challenge in your life right now) to get past this place of silence and discomfort, and move you AND your relationship to the next level.

Belinda has all the hope in the world.

When we're closed off in some ways, we attract relationships that keep that kind of balance and tension - it's just too scary to get closer.

But as soon as you practice the Tools with your man, all that changes.

Belinda is feeling her barriers to Love coming down, and when you feel that happening, you'll also feel your man come closer to you.

There are so many barriers we put up without even knowing we're doing it.

We "chase" a man without knowing that's what's really happening. We do things like call him first, push the conversation, fill in the silent gaps with chatter, ask him about his weekend plans in hopes that we can see him again soon.

We try to "seduce" a man with our bodies and our minds, hoping he'll be attracted to us physically and then impressed with how witty and insightful we are.

And NONE of those things get inside a man's HEART and make him love us genuinely and passionately.

All those things make him "appreciate" us or think we're cool and "nice." But in the end, his feelings won't be triggered and he'll tell us that he can't see being more than just friends with us, or he doesn't have space in his life right now for SOMETHING SERIOUS.

That's why I created my Modern Siren program.

I wanted to teach you WHY a man doesn't respond emotionally to all the wrong things, and to show you what he DOES respond to.

Learn what specific things trigger a man's "love" feelings and how you can embody the sensuality and allure of a siren by simply being your true, feminine self here:

http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/ModernSiren

It may feel messy and scary and uncomfortable at first to learn how to be the irresistible woman full of juicy emotions...even anger.

Consider it a gift, and as a sign that you're on the right track. You'll get the hang of this very quickly.

***Here's a fast Tool: TRUTH SPEAK

When you feel something, and you locate the feeling and put it into words in your head, but then find yourself saying something ELSE to your man, catch yourself.

That's the way we play games and walk on eggshells and monitor ourselves - and that causes our men to PULL AWAY.

I know it seems like a subtle difference, but look at it this way: If you find a feeling and can say it to yourself in words, then use the "Feeling Message" format to say exactly what you said to yourself.

That makes you AUTHENTIC, and it will draw him close.

If you find a feeling and can say it to yourself in words, and then tell him what you THINK, or say, for instance - "I'm not feeling well," when what you really feel is "I'm feeling uncomfortable," then you know that you're ALSO feeling AFRAID to express to him what you REALLY feel.

And THAT'S the deep place we have to get to - to be UNAFRAID of how telling the TRUTH will affect him and your relationship.

Telling the TRUTH is just not something ANY of us were raised to do, and what we have to be about now, for the sake of ourselves and our love lives, is to be able to tell the truth about ourselves MORE OFTEN.

***To help with this, here's ANOTHER Tool: LET HIM CLOSE:

Start by visualizing your man coming closer to you while your defenses are DOWN.

Do this on your bed, or sitting in a chair, or anywhere, even in public if you find yourself getting tense and closing down.

Imagine your man coming close.

Let him come closer and closer, as you talk to your body (try the Body Dialogues in the Toolkit), do the Sensual Meditation from the eBook, and MELT, all at the same time.

Catch yourself if you're THINKING instead of just melting into the bed or the floor or the chair - melting into YOURSELF - and get back to following your sensations around your body.

And do it all while you're imagining him close.

Remember - YOU'RE in CONTROL of YOU, so if you feel frightened, you get to stop for a moment.

You can STAY open, stay relaxed and connected to your body, and stop HIM from coming any closer.

If you're feeling frightened by imagining him coming close when you're relaxed and vulnerable and open - then simply don't let him come any closer, even in your imagination, than you're comfortable while you're open like this.

Take it slow, until you can allow him really close while you're relaxed and undefended.

Now take that feeling out into the world and with your man.

A great way to help yourself start DOING less, filling in the silences less, working in and for the relationship less, is to practice SPEAKING less, too.

This means short and sweet feeling messages, simple Thank You's without explanation, and Silence. Learn to get comfortable with Silence, and you're half-way there!

Here's a short note from "Bella," who wrote me a few months ago nearly desperate about her boyfriend of 2 years. She was so frustrated at his inability to commit to her, and was either always stuffing down her anger or exploding at him all the time. She didn't know whether to leave or stay and tough it out, and then she discovered the Rori Raye Third Way.

She used the Tools from "Reconnect Your Relationship" and this is what she says now:

"Dear Rori, I just now got a phone call from him, that he wants to work on things! - that he wants to commit to working on this relationship, and see what happens! - He doesn't want to end it - he wants to continue it - It was great! He has committed to work on committing! Thank you, Bella"

***If Bella can see a huge change in her man's desire to commit to her - so can you!

Once Bella saw that underneath all the "giving" and "understanding" and filling in the "silences" she was doing - what was really inside her was anger and sadness. She told me that the biggest work for her, and the biggest Tools that helped her were about standing behind her Boundaries while staying open and warm to her man at the same time. When she started practicing that, things started to move forward for her.

You can do it too. You can draw a man in closer to you by learning to acknowledge, embrace and share all your feelings.

And as you practice this, in baby steps, you'll automatically start to feel better about yourself. Your self-esteem will begin to climb, and pretty soon you'll wonder where all the self-doubt went.

If you'd like an extra boost for your self- esteem, and Tools you won't find anywhere else - like the Body Dialogues and unique Rori Raye Processes that will make you feel instantly hopeful and powerful (great to listen to before a date), try out my Heart Connection Toolkit set. This is a program that will lift your spirits and keep them high, and it comes with a little book for reference that you can keep in your purse when you need help with how to choose your words, or support for being vulnerable.